I'm back already because I have plenty to be thankful for. So I thought I would make a list for Christmas:
1. A wonderful loving wife. I couldn't do everything that is being asked of me without her support and love. She makes every day special, and a man can't ask for more than that.
2. Supportive children - It's hard to balance their lives and help their dad. Courtney has been so helpful and caring, especially when I need her. She has always been there for Grandma, even when Grandma hasn't always been nice. Daniel is there for me, always saying the right thing at the right time at school. Looking out for me and keeping me balanced. Lora Leigh may have the toughest chore, living and sharing her space with Grandma.
3. An understanding school. Not the building but the people that care about my world, always asking if they can help and picking up my slack. They never get upset when I have to leave -- and Lord knows I have left enough.
4. My team. They want to be working and need my attention. They haven't complained and they ask about my mom often. They are a good group and I hope they get what they deserve.
5. Jane. I have uprooted her world, hid her stuff and locked her in her room. She sometimes believes all of these are true. When really she just wants to survive, and do it her way.
Our life has changed. It won't return to normal again real soon. I believe that may be best. We are being challenged. When it's all said and done, we will be better people. My wife, my supportive children, my school friends, and my team. But most of all we will make a safe loving home for an 82 year old.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
There's more than the game!
Life has come calling, and is chasing me around.
The Windsor's call shouldn't have surprised me, but I wasn't ready. The Windsor is the assisted living facility where my mom lived for the last 3 1/2 years. Come and get her, they said, she needs too much assistance to remain.
In the last year "Hurricane Jane" has shrunk to 88 pounds from 120. She was extremely weak and needed to be moved from place to place. I couldn't fault the Windsor, but where to next? I always assumed that the next move would be a senior citizen home and I toured one in Destrehan. It was nice, plenty of staff, clean, but half the residents were in bed waiting to pass. It was three o'clock in the afternoon, they should be playing bingo or playing cards. She may not be Hurricane Jane, but she wasn't ready for this either.
So I talked to Lori and we brought her home. I had no idea the amount of time and energy would go into moving her here. Getting new doctors, finding a new place for dialysis, and setting up some home health providers. Even doing some remodeling of our home to accommodate her. All of that was time consuming, but nothing was more important than finding a sitter. Where do you start? Do I call an agency or advertise? I started with Facebook. Yes, Facebook. Within three hours friends sent me three names, and the interviews were set.
What do I know about hiring a sitter? I just knew I had to do it quick. I have always been a good judge of someone's character, and that will come in handy for this task. The first candidate was a short, over-the-top women recommended by my son's in-laws. She had taken care of a member of a prominent west-bank business owner. After a call to him, I felt quite certain she could handle my mom. She is animated and loud, but I just got the right vibe. I hired her before I interviewed the other candidates. I cancelled one interview and met with another out of respect for a former co-worker. I knew I had made the right choice, and Jane liked her too.
Her name is Freda, and she has been great. She has developed a relationship with my mother. Sometimes it's a love-hate relationship, but they have survived. It's a constant battle to get my mother to talk respectfully to anyone -- Freda, Lori, Lora and even me. She has had her way all her adult life (thanks Pappy), and now demands it. She can rub you raw, and do it quickly. She makes this a very challenging situation, and it would be hard enough without her attitude. We are dealing with it, and Lori and Lora have been great. I know our world tilted and they had no control, but they are loving souls hanging on.
Jane has been here almost two months, and our lives are different. We are revolving around her, and her constant needs. She is getting more comfortable, doing more for herself and sleeping through the night. Freda is taking care of the days, driving to dialysis three days a week. Getting her to doctor visits, and taking care of her needs. She has even been bringing her to bingo and card games. Jane loves those outings. At night there is the constant concern, the beeper that never leaves my side. I have been having problems trying to relax. I almost dread weekends. We won't even talk about the Thanksgiving week I had off and Freda went to Virgina. Everyone says how tired I look. I must look bad.
I have to take care of myself, and find a way to relieve the tension. This week Lori and I go on our annual anniversary week-end getaway. When Jane came to live with me, the first thing I did was call my brother Val. He had to come this weekend and sit with his mother while we escaped. He promised to come -- well at least send his wife. He also decided to come for Thanksgiving and my mom's birthday. Nice Idea. But he cancelled (he also cancelled this week. Thanks for the help). His mother-in-law is having a procedure, and he needs to be there to help her. My daughter Courtney stepped up, (as she does often) and we are still going away. Pensacola Beach and the Margaritaville Hotel. The beach awaits our bare feet, but no swimming. Too cold.
There are plenty of adjustments to be made in our home. Baseball season is right around the corner, and will bring its own pressures. We will make it happen, and because of our love. Our love for each other, and the love of family. Even if Jane doesn't get the connection, we will survive Hurricane Jane.
The Windsor's call shouldn't have surprised me, but I wasn't ready. The Windsor is the assisted living facility where my mom lived for the last 3 1/2 years. Come and get her, they said, she needs too much assistance to remain.
In the last year "Hurricane Jane" has shrunk to 88 pounds from 120. She was extremely weak and needed to be moved from place to place. I couldn't fault the Windsor, but where to next? I always assumed that the next move would be a senior citizen home and I toured one in Destrehan. It was nice, plenty of staff, clean, but half the residents were in bed waiting to pass. It was three o'clock in the afternoon, they should be playing bingo or playing cards. She may not be Hurricane Jane, but she wasn't ready for this either.
So I talked to Lori and we brought her home. I had no idea the amount of time and energy would go into moving her here. Getting new doctors, finding a new place for dialysis, and setting up some home health providers. Even doing some remodeling of our home to accommodate her. All of that was time consuming, but nothing was more important than finding a sitter. Where do you start? Do I call an agency or advertise? I started with Facebook. Yes, Facebook. Within three hours friends sent me three names, and the interviews were set.
What do I know about hiring a sitter? I just knew I had to do it quick. I have always been a good judge of someone's character, and that will come in handy for this task. The first candidate was a short, over-the-top women recommended by my son's in-laws. She had taken care of a member of a prominent west-bank business owner. After a call to him, I felt quite certain she could handle my mom. She is animated and loud, but I just got the right vibe. I hired her before I interviewed the other candidates. I cancelled one interview and met with another out of respect for a former co-worker. I knew I had made the right choice, and Jane liked her too.
Her name is Freda, and she has been great. She has developed a relationship with my mother. Sometimes it's a love-hate relationship, but they have survived. It's a constant battle to get my mother to talk respectfully to anyone -- Freda, Lori, Lora and even me. She has had her way all her adult life (thanks Pappy), and now demands it. She can rub you raw, and do it quickly. She makes this a very challenging situation, and it would be hard enough without her attitude. We are dealing with it, and Lori and Lora have been great. I know our world tilted and they had no control, but they are loving souls hanging on.
Jane has been here almost two months, and our lives are different. We are revolving around her, and her constant needs. She is getting more comfortable, doing more for herself and sleeping through the night. Freda is taking care of the days, driving to dialysis three days a week. Getting her to doctor visits, and taking care of her needs. She has even been bringing her to bingo and card games. Jane loves those outings. At night there is the constant concern, the beeper that never leaves my side. I have been having problems trying to relax. I almost dread weekends. We won't even talk about the Thanksgiving week I had off and Freda went to Virgina. Everyone says how tired I look. I must look bad.
I have to take care of myself, and find a way to relieve the tension. This week Lori and I go on our annual anniversary week-end getaway. When Jane came to live with me, the first thing I did was call my brother Val. He had to come this weekend and sit with his mother while we escaped. He promised to come -- well at least send his wife. He also decided to come for Thanksgiving and my mom's birthday. Nice Idea. But he cancelled (he also cancelled this week. Thanks for the help). His mother-in-law is having a procedure, and he needs to be there to help her. My daughter Courtney stepped up, (as she does often) and we are still going away. Pensacola Beach and the Margaritaville Hotel. The beach awaits our bare feet, but no swimming. Too cold.
There are plenty of adjustments to be made in our home. Baseball season is right around the corner, and will bring its own pressures. We will make it happen, and because of our love. Our love for each other, and the love of family. Even if Jane doesn't get the connection, we will survive Hurricane Jane.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)